Three sentences to help parents transition from "defense" to "cooperation" and smoothly communicate their children's issues
Time:2025-12-16
Source:Artstep
Some teachers want to talk to parents about their children's problems, but they are afraid of causing resentment and delaying their children's progress. Especially for novice teachers, when faced with parents who are eager to protect their children, they often find themselves in a dilemma of being afraid of arguing if they say too much, and ineffective if they say too little.
Today, I will share a set of "sandwich communication methods" that have been validated by countless teachers - not only can it help teachers overcome "social anxiety style communication", but it can also help parents shift from a "defensive state" to a "cooperative state", and even actively pay for the reputation of the institution
Why is it that directly stating the problem is not effective
An organization once conducted a survey: when teachers directly pointed out that "children are not focused", more than half of parents' first reaction was: "Is it because the teacher's lecture is boring?" "Why are other children okay?" When teachers first affirm the child's strengths and then give suggestions, the acceptance of parents will be greatly improved.
This is the underlying logic of the "sandwich communication method": using "affirmation" as a prelude, "suggestion" as the core, and "encouragement" as the ending. Just like a sandwich with filling between the bread, it not only makes parents feel comfortable to listen to, but also accurately conveys key information.
Structural disassembly: from 'afraid of communication' to 'able to communicate'
The core of the "sandwich communication method" is to divide the communication content into three levels, each with clear goals and language templates that novice teachers can directly apply.
Level 1: Break the defense with "concrete praise"
【 Objective 】 To make parents feel that 'teachers truly care about my children' and establish a foundation of trust.
【 Key 】 Praise should be 'grounded', not just saying 'the child is excellent', but describing the specific scene.
❌ Error demonstration: "Bob's parent, your child has been performing well recently. ”(Unclear, parents cannot feel sincerity)
✅ Correct demonstration: "Bob's parents, I have noticed that your child has been particularly focused in class these past two weeks. Last week in math class, he even raised his hand to answer three difficult questions, and his thinking was particularly clear. It can be seen that he must have put in effort at home. ”(Details + related parental contributions, creating a sense of joy for parents to be recognized)
Level 2: Using "objective facts + solutions" to convey problems
Objective: To make parents accept the fact that their children need improvement and know how to cooperate.
The key is not to say 'your child has a problem', but to say 'I have observed a phenomenon and we can try to do it together'.
❌ Error demonstration: "But Tim is always careless when doing exercises. This must be corrected, otherwise his grades will not improve." (Accusatory expression, causing resistance from parents)
✅ Correct demonstration: "However, I noticed that he occasionally makes mistakes when doing calculation problems due to rushing to skip steps. We have been practicing the method of 'circle keywords' in class recently, and you can also try letting him self check with a red pen after finishing the problem at home to gradually develop a habit of meticulousness. What do you think?" (Using "occasionally" and "observed" to weaken opposition, and using specific methods to flatten the "teacher parent" cooperative relationship)
Level 3: Strengthening the willingness to cooperate with "common expectations"
【 Goal 】 Make parents feel that 'the teacher and I are on the same front' and willing to cooperate proactively.
[Key] Emphasize 'let's work together' and give parents confidence that 'their children can make progress'.
❌ Error demonstration: "Thank you parents for keeping an eye on us, otherwise we won't be able to do anything about it
✅ Correct demonstration: "Tim himself is very smart and interested in mathematics. As long as we help him practice his careful habits together, he will definitely take a big step forward in the next test. Let's keep in touch at all times and feel free to contact me if you have any questions!" (affirming the child's potential + clarifying "common goals"+ leaving a communication window to make parents feel valued)
For parents in the younger age group: Emphasize more on "habits" and less on "grades"
Parents of young children are more concerned about whether their children are happy and whether habits have been developed. Rather than saying 'the child's score is low', it's better to say 'let's first help the child develop the habit of taking notes in class, and gradually their grades will naturally improve'.
For elderly parents: replace "feeling" with "data"
Parents in middle and high school place more emphasis on the "degree of progress". It can be said that the child's error rate this semester has decreased from 30% to 15%, but there is still room for improvement in geometry problems. We plan to add a special class next week. Do you think your child's time is convenient
The essence of home school communication is not "persuading parents", but "building trust". When parents feel that 'teachers understand their children and want to help them', the teaching services of the institution can truly be implemented.
Before communicating with parents next time, why not recite the "sandwich formula" silently: first give sugar, then give formula, and finally give hope. Perhaps you will find that the only thing left for parents to go from "questioning" to "cooperating" is a relaxed and comfortable chat.